"Intentional" Is Becoming the New "Disrupt"
Every dating product now claims to be intentional. Most have only changed the language. Here is what I believe actually separates the real ones from the rest.
From the Editor.
alk through any new dating pitch deck right now and you will see the word in the first few slides. Intentional. Serious. Relationship-minded. As Hinge says, designed to be deleted.
It has replaced "disrupt" as the required signal that you are building something different. I understand why. Users are tired of products built for endless swiping, and founders have noticed. The problem is that most of the products using the word haven't changed the underlying machine.
Intentional is easy to claim in marketing. It is hard to operationalize.
If you are actually building for people who want a relationship, the product has to behave differently at every stage:
- You target people who already signal higher intent, even when the volume is lower.
- You force clarity in onboarding instead of rushing everyone into the swipe deck.
- You optimize matching for compatibility and follow-through, not for the highest number of matches per session.
- You make money from people who stay and succeed, not from people who stay frustrated.
- You treat retention as a product problem, not a CRM afterthought.
Most teams still do the opposite. They acquire as broadly as possible, measure success by matches and messages, and then add a few serious-sounding prompts or a "looking for a relationship" filter. The language updates. The incentives do not.
I look at this the same way I looked at every product I have run or invested in: what are you actually optimizing for, and what are you willing to give up?
If your primary metrics in the first seven days are still matches, messages, or time in app, you are running a volume product, no matter what the homepage says. If you are afraid to turn away users who are clearly there for something else, the intentional claim is positioning, not strategy. If your business model still depends on keeping people in a state of mild dissatisfaction, the word is marketing.
Hinge came closest when "designed to be deleted" was still a product truth rather than just a tagline. Most of the current wave wants the positioning without the constraints that made the positioning meaningful.
Here is what I believe: the founders who take this seriously will accept slower top-line growth in exchange for a product that compounds through retention and better outcomes. The ones who treat it as language will keep adding features and wonder why nothing fundamental improves.
Users can already tell the difference. The market will enforce it soon enough.
How I'd approach it
If this were my product, I would run a simple test before doing anything else.
- Look at what you optimize for in the first seven days. If the primary metrics are still volume metrics, you are not intentional yet.
- Look at what you are willing to reject. A real intentional product turns people away. Most products are still afraid to do this.
- Look at how you make money. If the model depends on prolonged dissatisfaction, the positioning is hollow.
- Look at what happens after two people match. If the product disappears and leaves them alone, you haven't designed for the outcome you claim to care about.
I am not telling you this is easy. I am telling you it is the only version of "intentional" that actually matters. Everything else is just the next word that will stop working once users get tired of it.
Key takeaways
- 01Intentional has become the new required positioning word.
- 02Most products using it have changed the language without changing the incentives.
- 03A real intentional product accepts lower volume for higher-quality outcomes.
- 04The test is simple: what are you willing to give up, and what do you actually optimize for?
- 05Users can already tell the difference. Act accordingly.
Reviewed by an operator. Last updated September 1, 2026. High Intent is led by founder and CEO Bill Alena, backed by a team of industry experts with over 100 years of online dating experience between them.
Questions operators ask
Yes, but the curve looks different. It compounds more through retention and referrals than through paid acquisition of low-intent users.
Bill Alena
Bill Alena is the founder and CEO of High Intent Media. He has spent twenty-five years building and investing in dating companies, on both sides of the table.
He built myYearbook's revenue from $0 to $100M+ as Chief Revenue Officer. He ran all monetization at The Meet Group (NASDAQ: MEET) and helped grow it through four acquisitions. As Chief Investment & Growth Officer at Social Discovery Group, he grew revenue from $200M to $350M and led the company's M&A practice and a dating-only venture fund.
He founded High Intent to give operators in the dating industry the honest news, the platform, the services, and the capital they have never had access to from one place. He writes The Editorial weekly, on the business of dating, from an operator's chair.
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